There Are Days...[Can I Sit Here With You Forever]

There are days, Papa, when I feel my heart will become so heavy that it will simply fall back within my chest, as so many things fall into the mysterious expanse of black holes. Sometimes my eyes feel so heavy that I feel they will no longer be able to bear up against the waves crashing against their inner barriers. And I fear their escape, for once a single tear slips from the brim of my eye lid, a flood of rushing sobs seem to inevitably follow with faint hope of their recapture. Papa, will you come and sit here with me? I could use some company.... Papa, how did I forget about others? How did I become so consumed with only myself and with only my problems, my hurt, and my pain? ....Papa, can I sit in your lap? It's so safe here [sitting in your lap with my arms wrapped around you and yours around me]. I love how you hold me like you mean it. Thank you for holding me like you mean it. Can I sit here forever? I never wanna leave. Yes, baby. Oh Papa...[the sobs are beginning to well up in me again. I can't hold them anymore and so I begin to cry.]. Papa, I missed you. You're such a safe place for me. Papa, I love you. You're so close. Papa, can we sit here, in front of this autumn decorated pond for eternity? Yes, my dear. Papa, I can't seem to stop saying your name...Papa...Papa... Papa, I wish I was more resolute. I wish I wasn't so wish-washy. You heard me calling your name. I hurt her so bad. I broke her. How could I break her? She's means so much to me. I never wanted to break her. [He smiles] She will be ok. Papa, I swear I want the best for her. I promise you I want her to be free and happy. Oh Papa, I still want her so badly. I'm so sorry. That's such a terrible thing to tell you. No, baby. I know and I'm ok. I know how much you hurt and you are so precious to me. I am more concerned with you than who you ache for. I know where your heart really lies and it's right here, in these arms. Tell me your heart, baby. Tell me everything. Every ache, every doubt, every fear that you have. I want to know everything. How are you feeling today? Sometimes, I'm ok but sometimes, I think that I've literally gone mad. Last night, I could hear the enemy so loudly in my ear telling me what a relief it would be to end my life but, Papa, I don't really want to die. I want to sit here with you. I...sometimes, I feel like I can't go on. There are days when I feel like I can't even get out of bed. Why do I ache for her so badly. I didn't ache for her like this before. Because you love her, now. You have learned to appreciate all the beauty I have given her. Because you have begun to taste the love I have for her and separation from the ones you love feels nearly like death. Love her as I do and you would prefer death just so that she could have a way to you, that she might love you in return. Oh sweetheart, your love is reckless but you have no idea how abandoned my love is for you and for her. You have no idea how I love to have you here, sitting on my lap, lying against my chest with my arms wrapped around you. I sob too, because my baby is home again in my arms. You have never seen a more beautiful, marvelous homecoming. I'm calling to her, baby. She wants me desperately. She has not told you and she wouldn't but she still cries out for me. She wants me so badly but fear keeps her from running to me. Pray, baby. Fight for the one that you love so deeply. War for her, harder now, and more deeply...it's coming soon. ....Baby. Yes, Papa? ...I love you. I have always loved you. I am always here. Sometimes, I'm scared that you will leave me too. Sometimes, I hurt so bad that I don't feel that I can love you. Papa, I scared to lose you. Papa, I love you too! I love you too. Don't leave me. Please, don't ever leave me. [My sobs begin again, uncontrollably. He wraps me in his arms with one around my waist and the other cups my head...and he rocks me as I sit there in his lap, lying against his chest] I will never leave you, baby. I will never leave. Cry until your heart's content. ...I love you like no father has never loved a child, like you have never loved another. You are home. This will always be your home. And if you ever decide to leave, I will never cease to pursue you. You are the love of my life, my favorite one.